38-year-old mom of 5 keeps her part-time job a secret from her husband, he claims he doesn't care to learn: 'NEWSFLASH! It's not all about you, bro!'

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Dec 31, 2025 10:00 PM EST

Sometimes in a relationship, it's important to keep some things to yourself. Sure, you probably want to share most things, but not everything. You might want to hold some things close to your chest, just for you. Maybe it's a memory, or a dream, or a piece of lore… You don't have to give it all away, and that doesn't mean your relationship is doomed. It just means that you might be a private person. You like to be a little mysterious, and that's okay. It might even be what your partner appreciates about you. 

But there are certain things that you probably want to end up sharing. If you kept these to yourself, it might seem like you were neglecting your partner. Maybe this would include what you do for a living. It's kind of a first date question. "Where are you from?" "What's your name?" and "What do you do for a living?" These are kind of the bare bones of connection. You would expect to get these nailed down pretty quickly. You may not fully understand their job or what their day-to-day actually looks like. Raise your hand if you don't fully understand your father's job… that's what I thought. But you at least have an idea of what they do. You know where they go, and what they're up to. But one wife found that keeping her part-time job a secret was actually what she had to do. It wasn't that she wasn't willing to share, it's that her husband wasn't quite willing to hear her. 

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  • A man and a woman look unhappy during an argument
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • After years of being a stay-at-home mom and homeschooling her five children, the woman in this story decided she wanted more. She wanted a little more financial stability, and so she signed up for a remote job. It was going great, and she managed to keep everything running in the house. The problem was, her husband didn't seem to care. She wondered why he was bristling at her job, and it started to wear on their marriage. Read on to see what happened in this story and decide what you would have done. 

  • Am I in the wrong for not telling my husband what I do for work?

    Hi Reddit, I am newer here (I read a lot of Reddit posts, but don't post myself). I will give some background. My husband (40M) and I (38F) have been married for 18 years with 5 kids, ages 15 to 5. He is the main breadwinner, and I am a mostly SAHM (I homeschool our kids and do 99% of the domestic labor) though I also work 20 hours from home for a small business for the past two years.
    via u/Mission_Foot7950
  • For context, my husband makes a good living, but has felt that we need to pay off our house more aggressively, though he also. enjoys going on nice vacations. Since I do all of the budgeting, with this economy and with having five growing kids, his salary covered our basic needs plus a little extra, but he felt that we needed to figure out a way to have
    via u/Mission_Foot7950
  • more money come in or cut back our spending. Two years ago, things really came to a head, and even though I was overwhelmed at home with everything, I decided to start looking for online work. I ended up finding a wonderful position that was remote for a small company that was part-time (20 hours per week). My working made it so that I was able to take half of my salary to put extra towards the mortgage, and the extra half towards vacations/Christmas.
    via u/Mission_Foot7950
  • This has worked well the past two years financially for us. However, when I started my new job, my husband didn't really seem interested, though he asked me how I would have time with all the stuff with the kids and the house. I told him I would find the time, and he just shrugged. Every time I have tried to explain what I do for work to him, he changes the subject, ignores me, or tells me that he doesn't get it (I work in IT).
    via u/Mission_Foot7950
  • Today, I was talking to him on the phone, and he randomly asked me about the company since I mentioned some budget cuts when I was on the phone to a friend last night. He asked me if I was worried about my job in the future, and I told him that I wasn't super worried, but that there was a possibility I would be laid off in the
    via u/Mission_Foot7950
  • new year, depending on profit margins. He then said, "What is it that you even do, anyway?" This is where I might be the AH. I sighed and told him that I've tried to tell him on multiple occasions, and that he never cared before so why did he care now? He got defensive, saying that he is asking now, and that he didn't need a lecture from me. I told him that I wasn't
    via u/Mission_Foot7950
  • lecturing him, but that I was hurt that he has never shown interest or seemed to be appreciative of the extra income that my job brings in. I told him that it's kind of insane that he doesn't know what I even do for a living. He got mad, and said that it wasn't okay for me not to tell him what I do for a living, and that I'm keeping secrets from him.
    via u/Mission_Foot7950
  • Then I got mad, and told him that if he just listened, there wouldn't be any secrets. He said that he is an adult who doesn't need to be lectured and attacked, and that if I wasn't going to tell him what I do for work, then he didn't need to talk to me. He then hung up the phone. I tried to call him back, but he is now refusing to answer my calls or texts.
    via u/Mission_Foot7950
  • I was really mad at first, but now I am wondering, AITAH for not just telling him? It's not a secret. I told him about it before, but I honestly just don't feel seen by him in most of the work that I do, whether it is around the house or working part- time to get a paycheck.
    via u/Mission_Foot7950
  • A woman looks upset on the couch
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Commenters wondered if there might be more going on here.

    sillylilgooseberry 14 years married here, and can't imagine a functional marriage where my spouse. didn't have a clue what I did at work. Every day we discuss our little work gripes, talk about what's been going on, ways we could do things differently... If my husband was that disinterested in my life... OUR life, I would have a really hard time.
    via u/sillylilgooseberry
  • I don't think you're the AH, but it sounds like the both of you have some communication challenges to work through.
    via u/sillylilgooseberry
  • Briscogun So you've been doing this for 2 years and he's just NOW asking questions? After ignoring you telling him about your job for 2 years? Talk about a self-centered guy! Can't be bothered to care what the hell his wife is doing for 2 years, then when it might end he starts asking questions because that'll affect him? NTA, but your husband is!
    via u/Briscogun
  • Tell your husband this: NEWSFLASH! It's not all about you, bro! Maybe pay a little bit of attention to your wife, listen to her once in a while, and at least feign interest so she thinks you care about her more then being a domestic servant.
    via u/Briscogun
  • FriendlyMum NTA there's a massive issue in your marriage. Your contributions far outweigh his physicality and emotionally. There's also massive communication issues, which is honestly so easy to get after a long time together but now he's genuinely not
    via u/FriendlyMum
  • listening and forcing blame on you - not ok. He's thinking financial contributions is the 'only' contribution to a marriage and treating you like a second class citizen. Honey you're risking burn out. Your mental health matters.
    via u/FriendlyMum
  • Get your marriage to therapy and rebuild connection and communication with him. If he refuses, then you know it's only going to get worse from here and you can make your decisions based on his reaction to working on your relationship. Your relationship should be paramount, contributing should be more equal. Good luck
    via u/FriendlyMum
  • live2begrateful So you are homeschooling the 5 children, doing 99% of the house work and working PT and your husband is giving you attitude for not listening to you. You are NTA, he is.
    via u/live2begrateful
  • TroublesomeTurnip So why isn't he contributing to the household or childcare?
    via u/TroublesomeTurnip
  • Otherwise_Chemi... Does your husband even like you? Like you're the maid but you need to work on top of that and also pay him to be his maid. If you get burned out you're not going to be able to carry anything, you need to slow down.
    via u/Otherwise_Chemist920
  • Put those kids in normal school so they know something other than this weird fucked up dynamic you've got going on at home. There's no way you're managing to properly educate and socialise them on top of everything else.
    via u/Otherwise_Chemist920
  • alwaysamw Personally I'm unsure how someone works 20 hours but is also a SAHM? I thought SAHM's were not employed and earned paychecks... I think it undervalues one's contribution to acknowledge your contribution, no matter how small, and whether or not you have to leave the house or not to earn it.
    via u/alwaysamw
  • corvus_corone_co... I don't think your husband likes you. I am not sure you like your husband, and I understand you are mad at him. But you both just kept escalating...
    via u/corvus_corone_corone
  • angermgmtdropo... So you work, do all the home labor, home school kids, had kids, and take care of all the kids? And he works. Do you hear yourself? Wtf
    via u/angermgmtdropout1978
  • No_Owl_7380 NTA. Your husband seems wholly unbothered by anything he doesn't feel responsible for which seems to be going to work and earning a paycheck. I'm sure he doesn't cook, clean, do laundry, or any of the messy parts of parenting. And you home school on top of all that. As I see it you have 2 full time jobs and 1 part time job...None of which are him.
    via u/No_Owl_7380
  • CelticHipi1616 NTA He only cares about the ins and outs of your existence if it effects him. Why should you believe this time, he actually cares and will actually listen? If he's not going to invest in maintaining a connection with you, why should you?
    via u/CelticHipi1616
  • xpressodp NTA you tried to tell him & he didn't care. the fact that he never showed interest in what you do for a living in 2yrs is actually insane. he should be ashamed of himself.
    via u/xpressodp

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marriage secret job marriage-drama parenting homeschool Parenting Fail
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